I want to state the simple fact that I love my girls. At the risk of sounding juvenile, I have the best girlfriends in the whole wide world. They're all so different, yet on one accord. I'm blessed. I want to talk about one of them in particular.
Neubela - This girl will take the blouse off her back, give it to you and design another one for you from scratch. She is dynamic, expressive, creative and sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading in her life. I had a conversation with her on Sunday that changed my life...only I didn't know it until later that evening when I was laying in bed with my husband and I was completely at peace. That's when it hit me, this girl knows what she's talking about. For quite a while before that, peace was no where to be found. Then I received an email from her that got me out of my comfortable seat in front of my computer to go hug and kiss my husband. It was about a(nother) revelation she received in Genesis about how Satan was not only trying to get Eve to doubt Yah, but to doubt her own husband. My gosh, that completely identified the voice in my head. Then she said she was praying for me. I know she is.
I'm so grateful for the relationships Yahweh has fostered in my life. I couldn't have picked better friends if I tried.
PS: To catch up - my birthday was great. I did a father/son photo shoot of Pierre and Joshua, then we all went out to eat Indian food. The good part was that Pierre tended to Joshua the whole time so I could enjoy the meal. The not so great news is that I didn't enjoy it. I've been eating cooked food for almost 2 weeks now and I just don't like it after being raw for 35 days. Now I'm stuck in the middle...not wanting to eat cooked food because it makes me feel gross, and not wanting to go back to 100% raw because it felt so restrictive. Hmmmm...
Thursday, March 27
Sunday, March 23
Wookin' Pa Nub
...in all the wrong places. I'm truly love starved. That's why I find it so hard to forgive my husband. I expect him to fill that void in my heart for love. I expect my husband to do something only the Holy Spirit can do...and when he falls very short of my expectations, I put up walls no army can penetrate. I need healing - man, I thought I healed already (as a friend of mine said recently of herself). Are we back to this again? What is it going to take? Does it really all stem from a broken childhood? Seriously?? Come on, I'm turning 30 tomorrow. This is ridiculous.
Saturday, March 22
It's aaaallllll coming out
I didn't realize when I said I didn't want to be average that so many dormant gifts would come pouring out of me all at once. My gosh, who has time for TV?? lol. I'm sitting here in my office/studio surrounded by objects that represent the talents He has made me responsible for. There's the backdrop and lights for photography. Next to that is my easel, all set up with canvas waiting to be painted on (it had been neatly folded up in the back of my closet for years). I have my computer editing programs for business materials and graphic design.
This morning I received an email from a woman in MD who came across our website and video on YouTube. Yes, I am to lead woman in their divine destinies. Yesterday my mother-in-law called me to say a nurse on her job needs a math tutor for her daughter...wow, I used to do that ages ago. OK, bring it on.
Then there was the dream. I've been having dreams and words of prophesy on a regular basis. I am very comfortable with that gift arising since it's the one I feel the most connected to. lol but Yahweh is so funny; He used that gift to remind me of yet another. One that my flesh wouldn't mind remaining dormant.
She laid hands on me as I knelt before her.
"Stand up and look at me," she said. She was a mix of several older women in my life.
"I can't look at you," I said, "the light is too bright."
Finally I stood up and kind of winced enough to see her a bit. She was smiling.
"Life is a puzzle and you are a puzzle piece. You can't choose where you fit."
"I know!"
"Oh, you know? OK." She walked away. I couldn't help feeling there was more she had to say. I waited for her to finish laying hands on everyone else, then I followed her.
"You know, right?" she asked, "about what you used to do in your childhood, about your ministry?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"The Spanish people. Ministering to the Spanish people with your singing." Oh, she meant my childhood in terms of being saved.
"Nooooooooooo!!!!" I whined and cried. She smiled.
"I don't like the way I sing! I can sing in a chorus, or in groups, not by myself."
"There are salvations on the line. And this will bring you closer to your own salvation - doing everything He has told you to do."
"So does that mean I need to go to a Spanish church??" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"No. It's a social group you need to be a part of."
A social group of Christian Spanish singers?? I'll google it.
I woke up feeling stressed. lol. After a few moments I remembered this is my sister's calling. Come to think of it, pretty much everything I'm gifted at can be tied to someone in my family. Why aren't THEY doing all this stuff? They're all still alive. Oh, seeing me do it will spur them to do it. There really are salvations on the line. Deep sigh. Smile.
Thank you, Yahweh. As my pastor always says, "I get to."
This morning I received an email from a woman in MD who came across our website and video on YouTube. Yes, I am to lead woman in their divine destinies. Yesterday my mother-in-law called me to say a nurse on her job needs a math tutor for her daughter...wow, I used to do that ages ago. OK, bring it on.
Then there was the dream. I've been having dreams and words of prophesy on a regular basis. I am very comfortable with that gift arising since it's the one I feel the most connected to. lol but Yahweh is so funny; He used that gift to remind me of yet another. One that my flesh wouldn't mind remaining dormant.
She laid hands on me as I knelt before her.
"Stand up and look at me," she said. She was a mix of several older women in my life.
"I can't look at you," I said, "the light is too bright."
Finally I stood up and kind of winced enough to see her a bit. She was smiling.
"Life is a puzzle and you are a puzzle piece. You can't choose where you fit."
"I know!"
"Oh, you know? OK." She walked away. I couldn't help feeling there was more she had to say. I waited for her to finish laying hands on everyone else, then I followed her.
"You know, right?" she asked, "about what you used to do in your childhood, about your ministry?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"The Spanish people. Ministering to the Spanish people with your singing." Oh, she meant my childhood in terms of being saved.
"Nooooooooooo!!!!" I whined and cried. She smiled.
"I don't like the way I sing! I can sing in a chorus, or in groups, not by myself."
"There are salvations on the line. And this will bring you closer to your own salvation - doing everything He has told you to do."
"So does that mean I need to go to a Spanish church??" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"No. It's a social group you need to be a part of."
A social group of Christian Spanish singers?? I'll google it.
I woke up feeling stressed. lol. After a few moments I remembered this is my sister's calling. Come to think of it, pretty much everything I'm gifted at can be tied to someone in my family. Why aren't THEY doing all this stuff? They're all still alive. Oh, seeing me do it will spur them to do it. There really are salvations on the line. Deep sigh. Smile.
Thank you, Yahweh. As my pastor always says, "I get to."
Friday, March 21
Tuesday, March 18
"Not Gon' Cry"
Oh Mary J. Blige...I remember that song got me through many college nights of drama. I just went back and read the lyrics (in college I only cared about the chorus) and turns out it's about adultery. Isn't every song? My gosh. Anyway, yesterday I was really thinking about the purpose of tears.
Only a tremendous well up of emotions causes tears. You can't cry at will like you can blink or wiggle your nose. Even actors who seem to cry on cue have to bring themselves to an emotional state internally before the tears will fall. What purpose do those tears serve? Why did Yahweh include that in His human blueprint?
Sometimes those tears defeat me. I can be so moved with emotion that it will spur me to action - yet if I'm moved to tears, those drops of water wash away everything, including my resolve to change the circumstances.
That leads me to think tears are for mourning and repentance, to heal us of hurt and cleanse us of guilt. That makes "sense"...but I've cried from joy, I've cried from fear, I've cried from anger, and have even thrown myself several tearful pity parties in my day. The Holy Spirit's presence makes me cry, seeing people's lives changed makes me cry, cutting raw onions makes me cry...ok, you get the point. I cry easily. On a scale of 1-10, most people have an emotional level of about 5 or 6. I was born an 11.
Then there's the fact that the scriptures state Yeshua wept (not just got watery eyes, the dude wept) when Lazarus died. He knew he was going to raise him from the dead. What was the intense emotion that caused HIM to cry? Inquiring minds want to know.
All of this because yesterday morning I was washing dishes and crying, until I realized what those drops do to me. This is not the time to let my emotions wash me out. This is the time to feel that emotion and use it to grow. Regardless of what the purpose of tears are (Yahweh, enlighten me at any moment on this...), I know what time this is. There is a time for every purpose under heaven; a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. This is not the time to cry.
Only a tremendous well up of emotions causes tears. You can't cry at will like you can blink or wiggle your nose. Even actors who seem to cry on cue have to bring themselves to an emotional state internally before the tears will fall. What purpose do those tears serve? Why did Yahweh include that in His human blueprint?
Sometimes those tears defeat me. I can be so moved with emotion that it will spur me to action - yet if I'm moved to tears, those drops of water wash away everything, including my resolve to change the circumstances.
That leads me to think tears are for mourning and repentance, to heal us of hurt and cleanse us of guilt. That makes "sense"...but I've cried from joy, I've cried from fear, I've cried from anger, and have even thrown myself several tearful pity parties in my day. The Holy Spirit's presence makes me cry, seeing people's lives changed makes me cry, cutting raw onions makes me cry...ok, you get the point. I cry easily. On a scale of 1-10, most people have an emotional level of about 5 or 6. I was born an 11.
Then there's the fact that the scriptures state Yeshua wept (not just got watery eyes, the dude wept) when Lazarus died. He knew he was going to raise him from the dead. What was the intense emotion that caused HIM to cry? Inquiring minds want to know.
All of this because yesterday morning I was washing dishes and crying, until I realized what those drops do to me. This is not the time to let my emotions wash me out. This is the time to feel that emotion and use it to grow. Regardless of what the purpose of tears are (Yahweh, enlighten me at any moment on this...), I know what time this is. There is a time for every purpose under heaven; a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. This is not the time to cry.
Monday, March 17
This time it will be different
Life; as soon as you decide you're going to break out of mediocrity and rise to another level, it attacks you with a vengeance. I've come to find out that's just the nature of this fallen world we live in. Flowers need to fight weeds in order to blossom. They grow side by side until one tries to choke the very life out of the other.
I have always let the fight push me back down into average. Average. That's a curse word to me now. Anyway, I have always allowed myself to be lulled back into complacency. I've been hiding from my life, escaping in recreation to avoid the conflict of excellence. Not anymore. This time I'm going to fight back.
I'm throwing all of my self-medicating solutions out the window. Boredom will not overtake me. Laziness will not be found in me. I will no longer frolick in the playground of idleness. Life has found its formidable opponent. It will no longer push me down, set me back, cause me to run with my tale between my legs. Never again. Fight me. I may triumph as a big bleeding mess, but I will triumph nonetheless.
I have always let the fight push me back down into average. Average. That's a curse word to me now. Anyway, I have always allowed myself to be lulled back into complacency. I've been hiding from my life, escaping in recreation to avoid the conflict of excellence. Not anymore. This time I'm going to fight back.
I'm throwing all of my self-medicating solutions out the window. Boredom will not overtake me. Laziness will not be found in me. I will no longer frolick in the playground of idleness. Life has found its formidable opponent. It will no longer push me down, set me back, cause me to run with my tale between my legs. Never again. Fight me. I may triumph as a big bleeding mess, but I will triumph nonetheless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
