Surprise, surprise, Yahweh continues to amaze me. I've been home from my board of directors retreat for a few days now and I'm still on a high. I can't be angry, offended, hurt or disappointed. It's impossible. I just have to remember a smidgen of what the Holy Spirit did on that trip and my cares melt away. All I can do is smile and sing the "Wednesday Song" (as my pastor calls it): I don't care...I don't care...I don't care, I don't care, I don't care....
I went to see my midwife today. As I expected, my self proclaimed prophesy was WRONG. lol. I'm not having twins. I'm just gaining weight rapidly...so I played a little volleyball outside with my husband in the evening as our son ran around the yard. Something about the twilight and the sweet air made this house feel like a home; a feeling I still struggle to find most days, even after 3 years of living here.
I tuned in to watch "So You Think You Can Dance" on Fox tonight. I hadn't realized the season already began. THAT is my show. I don't know if I'll be able to watch it faithfully with everything I have going on, and I am one of the drastic few that do not even have cable, let alone anything sophisticated like TiVo...so I'm happy that Fox jumped on the ABC bandwagon and put their television programs on Demand on their website. Now if I only had sound on this new computer...
I'm going to sleep now, with a big cheesy grin on my face. I don't really know when it'll wear off. I don't care...
Thursday, May 29
Friday, May 23
I'm trying...
May 20th was my mother's birthday. I remembered intermittently throughout the day and finally decided to give her a call later that evening. That's when I realized I do not have her phone number. She changed it about a year ago and I probably got it from my sister at one point while I was half paying attention, but regardless, I didn't have it. I called my sister and got her voice mail. FYI, I have an older sister in Houston who is in her late 40s. We share said mother.
So I left a message telling her to tell our mother that I said Happy Birthday, and asking for the new number. I got a message back saying that my mother would be surprised and shocked to hear from me. Likewise.
Next step; Call.
In other news, my pregnancy is going well. My body seems to be responding much quicker this time, which is a tad irksome. I'm still holding on to the possibility that there are two in there. This weekend I have a board of directors retreat, then when I return I will visit my midwife to find out what's up in there.
So I left a message telling her to tell our mother that I said Happy Birthday, and asking for the new number. I got a message back saying that my mother would be surprised and shocked to hear from me. Likewise.
Next step; Call.
In other news, my pregnancy is going well. My body seems to be responding much quicker this time, which is a tad irksome. I'm still holding on to the possibility that there are two in there. This weekend I have a board of directors retreat, then when I return I will visit my midwife to find out what's up in there.
Friday, May 16
Learning to honor
On Mother's Day, Pastor Dan did a teaching on honoring your parents (namely, your mother) that I listened to kicking and screaming on the inside. I basically flat out rejected it and convinced myself it didn't apply to me...all the while understanding deep inside that I'm not exempt from the scriptures calling me a fool for doing so.
My mother had me in her forties, out of wedlock, after having two other children that were raised by other people. She wanted to have an abortion, and would have gone ahead with it if my father hadn't threatened to end her life if she did so. So on March 24th, 1978 at around 6pm, she had me via c-section. She stuck around for about 10 months before deciding having a baby at her age was not something she particularly had patience for, and split. She moved out, and eventually moved to Houston when I was in 1st grade (right after my dad met his new wife and they moved in together).
My dad had a full time job, so I ended up living full time with the person who started out taking care of me part time...my father's ex-wife...the one he cheated on with my mother. She took me in and raised me as her own child from the time I was 10 months old. Now that relationship wasn't perfect. As you can imagine she had plenty of misdirected angst against me, mixed with love, that she used to verbally abuse me on a daily basis. Yet it was easy to forgive her. She was in her late 50s when she took me in and her life wasn't a bowl of cherries. But she gave me a roof over my head, home cooked meals and plenty of love the way she knew how to give it. I loved her. She passed away in April of '05, a few months before I got married.
For a while I thought that I had done the hardest thing I needed to do...forgive the woman who raised me for all the horrible words she spoke into my life. I thought she had hurt me worse than anyone else could have. Yet all the while, deep in my heart, I had been harboring unforgiveness towards the mother that birthed me. I didn't realize this until Pastor Dan's message.
So now I embark on a journey to honor the woman who I've basically ignored for the past few years. I choose to do this because I do not want to live a life of obscurity, I do not want to be a fool in Yahweh's eyes, and I want her (Delia) to come to know the knowledge of His saving grace. I'll keep you posted.
My mother had me in her forties, out of wedlock, after having two other children that were raised by other people. She wanted to have an abortion, and would have gone ahead with it if my father hadn't threatened to end her life if she did so. So on March 24th, 1978 at around 6pm, she had me via c-section. She stuck around for about 10 months before deciding having a baby at her age was not something she particularly had patience for, and split. She moved out, and eventually moved to Houston when I was in 1st grade (right after my dad met his new wife and they moved in together).
My dad had a full time job, so I ended up living full time with the person who started out taking care of me part time...my father's ex-wife...the one he cheated on with my mother. She took me in and raised me as her own child from the time I was 10 months old. Now that relationship wasn't perfect. As you can imagine she had plenty of misdirected angst against me, mixed with love, that she used to verbally abuse me on a daily basis. Yet it was easy to forgive her. She was in her late 50s when she took me in and her life wasn't a bowl of cherries. But she gave me a roof over my head, home cooked meals and plenty of love the way she knew how to give it. I loved her. She passed away in April of '05, a few months before I got married.
For a while I thought that I had done the hardest thing I needed to do...forgive the woman who raised me for all the horrible words she spoke into my life. I thought she had hurt me worse than anyone else could have. Yet all the while, deep in my heart, I had been harboring unforgiveness towards the mother that birthed me. I didn't realize this until Pastor Dan's message.
So now I embark on a journey to honor the woman who I've basically ignored for the past few years. I choose to do this because I do not want to live a life of obscurity, I do not want to be a fool in Yahweh's eyes, and I want her (Delia) to come to know the knowledge of His saving grace. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, May 15
Twins?
I probably shouldn't be writing this, but I usually regret when I don't write down how I'm feeling at the moment when I'm looking back with hindsight 20/20. I'm definitely pregnant, no doubt about it...but is there more than one in there? If you ask me, I'm already showing a bit, I'm completely exhausted all the time, I'm extremely irritable and I'm pretty sure I can feel some sort of movement at times. All those things can be explained with lots of reasons, but one of those reasons is multiple babies.
Then there's the hunch. I feel like I'm having twins. My hunches aren't very reliable when it comes to myself, however. I had quite a strong hunch that I was prego with a girl the first time around...right up until I heard the midwife announce, "It's a boy!" I also completely lacked the hunch that I was even pregnant this time around.
What is the likelihood of twins? Not high. Neither Pierre nor I have twins running in our families that we know of. I didn't use any kind of fertility drugs, which cause the most amount of twins in this country. Hmmm. Well, I will know for sure after my ob appointment on May 29th. If it is twins, I'm definitely finding out the sexes...and I'll be SO psyched by the awesome photo ops! lol.
Then there's the hunch. I feel like I'm having twins. My hunches aren't very reliable when it comes to myself, however. I had quite a strong hunch that I was prego with a girl the first time around...right up until I heard the midwife announce, "It's a boy!" I also completely lacked the hunch that I was even pregnant this time around.
What is the likelihood of twins? Not high. Neither Pierre nor I have twins running in our families that we know of. I didn't use any kind of fertility drugs, which cause the most amount of twins in this country. Hmmm. Well, I will know for sure after my ob appointment on May 29th. If it is twins, I'm definitely finding out the sexes...and I'll be SO psyched by the awesome photo ops! lol.
Tuesday, May 13
Humbled
I had an excellent time with Satoya and her "Trash the Dress" shoot yesterday...that is until the dreaded "err 02" showed up on my camera and we had to stop taking pictures before her dress was actually trashed. It was a memory card error and I need a new one; it totally stopped recording the pictures. I'm glad I noticed before we trashed her dress. That would've sucked. But I digress.
The real excellent time for me was the ride up to her home when we got to discuss her job. I had been feeling a bit melancholic about my pregnancy, like how could I possibly love another child as much as I love my first kinda thing. That all went away while listening to Satoya speak of the children she works with in the group home. After hearing the conditions those children live under - the fact that most of them are given drugs to deal with their issues instead of real life training, the poor foods that they consume, the false hope they have of going home after their parents have signed them away to the state, the foster parents who take them in just to receive moneys from the government...it all broke my heart and made me realize again what an honor and privilege it is to raise children under the admonition of Yahweh. It gave me that love for my unborn child, knowing that he or she is one less child who will have to suffer at the hands of bad choices made by adults. I may not be able to save all the children in all the shelters around the world, but I can certainly raise mine with true Love. I am blessed.
Beyond that I am sobered and humbled by the vision for our school that Yahweh bestowed on us (POC). Maybe the privileged children I had been envisioning as students in our school are actually the little ones society has tossed away. Maybe they don't pay tuition after all (how could they?). What if it is an orphanage and a school all in one? Whatever Yahweh has called us to do, we are fully equipped and provided for. We can do all things through Moshiac Yeshua who gives us strength.
The real excellent time for me was the ride up to her home when we got to discuss her job. I had been feeling a bit melancholic about my pregnancy, like how could I possibly love another child as much as I love my first kinda thing. That all went away while listening to Satoya speak of the children she works with in the group home. After hearing the conditions those children live under - the fact that most of them are given drugs to deal with their issues instead of real life training, the poor foods that they consume, the false hope they have of going home after their parents have signed them away to the state, the foster parents who take them in just to receive moneys from the government...it all broke my heart and made me realize again what an honor and privilege it is to raise children under the admonition of Yahweh. It gave me that love for my unborn child, knowing that he or she is one less child who will have to suffer at the hands of bad choices made by adults. I may not be able to save all the children in all the shelters around the world, but I can certainly raise mine with true Love. I am blessed.
Beyond that I am sobered and humbled by the vision for our school that Yahweh bestowed on us (POC). Maybe the privileged children I had been envisioning as students in our school are actually the little ones society has tossed away. Maybe they don't pay tuition after all (how could they?). What if it is an orphanage and a school all in one? Whatever Yahweh has called us to do, we are fully equipped and provided for. We can do all things through Moshiac Yeshua who gives us strength.
Tuesday, May 6
Connections, Confirmation and Clarity
Whoo...time to write.
I'm a little "sad" because my last house guest is gone and the house is now officially back to "empty". It was nice having an extra adult chic around for good conversation and fellowship. I was pretty surprised to find that as soon as she left, I missed her. I don't miss people. I'm pretty much "out of sight, out of mind." Yet I really missed her. It was weird. But I digress.
The Leadership Summit was off the hook. I met many wonderful new people and established a few new relationships. The teachings were all excellent. I especially enjoyed Lance Wallnau. You can't really take notes during his presentation, you just kind of have to catch it as it flies by you at 100mph. It's great.
I met a woman named Judith who said she has plenty of contacts in the education business (as she put it) who have licenses and contracts to start new schools but gave up because of the difficulty. She said I could pick up where they left off so I wouldn't have to start from scratch. Excellent. Connections.
I chased Lance Wallnau down after his last teaching and told him as much as I could about the school in a few minutes as he was gathering his things to leave. He said my passion was strong and my vision is clear, but that he's not the contact I need. He said I need to pray with the rest of POC for the embodiment of our missing piece. He said we need a business plan that is clear enough to define the things we're still missing. Then he said he personally thinks that our missing link is a retired CEO who has gotten disgruntled with the educational system's lack of values and will come out of retirement to help us. Awesome. Confirmation.
That brings me back to POC's original mission statement: To inspire, mentor and equip others to pursue their creative abilities for the purpose of building the Kingdom. It actually said "women and youth", but as I'm learning more about this large assignment we've been given, it's all encompassing. The POC Academy is the first of several big projects we will undertake for the purpose of bringing people into their destiny. Right now it's our assignment to find the ones in education who have let their dreams die. It's up to us to bring their callings back to life. I'm excited. Such clarity.
Who knows what will be next...for all I know we'll have to find scientists who have solutions to the global warming crises.
I'm a little "sad" because my last house guest is gone and the house is now officially back to "empty". It was nice having an extra adult chic around for good conversation and fellowship. I was pretty surprised to find that as soon as she left, I missed her. I don't miss people. I'm pretty much "out of sight, out of mind." Yet I really missed her. It was weird. But I digress.
The Leadership Summit was off the hook. I met many wonderful new people and established a few new relationships. The teachings were all excellent. I especially enjoyed Lance Wallnau. You can't really take notes during his presentation, you just kind of have to catch it as it flies by you at 100mph. It's great.
I met a woman named Judith who said she has plenty of contacts in the education business (as she put it) who have licenses and contracts to start new schools but gave up because of the difficulty. She said I could pick up where they left off so I wouldn't have to start from scratch. Excellent. Connections.
I chased Lance Wallnau down after his last teaching and told him as much as I could about the school in a few minutes as he was gathering his things to leave. He said my passion was strong and my vision is clear, but that he's not the contact I need. He said I need to pray with the rest of POC for the embodiment of our missing piece. He said we need a business plan that is clear enough to define the things we're still missing. Then he said he personally thinks that our missing link is a retired CEO who has gotten disgruntled with the educational system's lack of values and will come out of retirement to help us. Awesome. Confirmation.
That brings me back to POC's original mission statement: To inspire, mentor and equip others to pursue their creative abilities for the purpose of building the Kingdom. It actually said "women and youth", but as I'm learning more about this large assignment we've been given, it's all encompassing. The POC Academy is the first of several big projects we will undertake for the purpose of bringing people into their destiny. Right now it's our assignment to find the ones in education who have let their dreams die. It's up to us to bring their callings back to life. I'm excited. Such clarity.
Who knows what will be next...for all I know we'll have to find scientists who have solutions to the global warming crises.
Sunday, May 4
Kimberly from Kentucky
Again, don't have much time to write. Yet I have to chronicle that blessings come in all shapes and sizes, from unexpected places. Give, and others will give to you until it's running over. The kingdom of Heaven is a funny place. You sow seed in fertile ground one place, and the harvest comes up in a totally different land. Currently my blessings are coming from Kentucky.
Saturday, May 3
Is this what the Father sees?
It's been 3 days of non-stop leadership summit and BOY do I have TONS to write about that. Yet even as I write this, my husband is passing by saying, "Uh-Uh...no blogging!" I guess I take too long writing my thoughts. I will come back to my post about the summit. For now I have a shorty (I hope).
Picked up Joshua from his grandma's house. Longest I've been away from him (2 nights). He looked different. Puffy, puking, exhausted, yet smiling. Overfed, under rested, yet happy. I found out he drank coffee, consumed a ton of dairy and white flour and basically gorged himself for 2 days. I wasn't happy about how he looked, how he sounded, even his spirit seemed off. Call me crazy. I was grateful that my mother-in-law took a few days off from work to watch him so I could go to the summit. But I wasn't happy with the results. Selfish? No, just jealous.
Is this what the Father feels when He looks at us after we've had a flesh fest? Does he look at us all puffy from eating the wrong foods, exhausted from lack of rest and over work, completely happy as we feed every appetite and think, "What has happened to my beautiful creation?" Does he wonder why we let ourselves get to such states? Is He jealous over His creation in a way that makes Him sorrowful to see us living less than our best?
It made me understand that Yahweh isn't angry when we miss the mark, He just looks at us and longs for the day when we "get it".
I immediately started calculating in my mind how long it would take to get my Joshua back. One week back on his schedule of regular sleep, healthy food and creative play should do it. Does Yahweh calculate how long it will take for us to shed the effects of indulgence to finally reflect His Son?
Man, I need sleep. I don't even think that made sense to my own self. Glad I wrote it down, though. lol. G'night.
Picked up Joshua from his grandma's house. Longest I've been away from him (2 nights). He looked different. Puffy, puking, exhausted, yet smiling. Overfed, under rested, yet happy. I found out he drank coffee, consumed a ton of dairy and white flour and basically gorged himself for 2 days. I wasn't happy about how he looked, how he sounded, even his spirit seemed off. Call me crazy. I was grateful that my mother-in-law took a few days off from work to watch him so I could go to the summit. But I wasn't happy with the results. Selfish? No, just jealous.
Is this what the Father feels when He looks at us after we've had a flesh fest? Does he look at us all puffy from eating the wrong foods, exhausted from lack of rest and over work, completely happy as we feed every appetite and think, "What has happened to my beautiful creation?" Does he wonder why we let ourselves get to such states? Is He jealous over His creation in a way that makes Him sorrowful to see us living less than our best?
It made me understand that Yahweh isn't angry when we miss the mark, He just looks at us and longs for the day when we "get it".
I immediately started calculating in my mind how long it would take to get my Joshua back. One week back on his schedule of regular sleep, healthy food and creative play should do it. Does Yahweh calculate how long it will take for us to shed the effects of indulgence to finally reflect His Son?
Man, I need sleep. I don't even think that made sense to my own self. Glad I wrote it down, though. lol. G'night.
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