I knew this would get harder

So it's easy to write when there is peace in my home and everything is hunky dory (whatever that means). Things are not always peaceful, though. Sometimes my husband and I are seemingly on two different planets. Sometimes pride gets the best of us and we are less than loving. Sometimes we are both just plain horrible to one another. It's been two days of this. We never argue over anything substantial. It's always the nitpicky things that escalate for no good reason. Most of the time he will come and apologize for his behavior and everything is fine...not that it's always his fault; he's just always the one to apologize. Other times, like now, he'll just decide on his own that the fight is over and resume normal conversation/activity as if nothing ever happened. That's the worst! No apology, no acknowledgment of wrong behaviors and attitudes, not even a bashful "I was an idiot" look. Nothing. All of a sudden everything in his mind is fine and I'm the one that's upset for no reason. I'm left in the argument by myself, pouting around like a dork while he's as happy as can be - acting like I'm the one with the problem. My husband is fabulous most of the time, but it's times like this that make me want to scream. Does he do this because he knows he was so wrong that an apology wouldn't even cut it so he just ignores it? If his therapy is to act like nothing ever happened, mine is to write. I will write until I feel better. I will write until it all makes sense. I will write until I forget how mad I am and simply enjoy my life. I will write until I feel like being nice again. Ok, I really can't write that long. It just isn't fair to provoke and hurt someone with your words and attitude, then want to smile and kiss them with no remorse. That doesn't even seem sane. Doesn't forgiveness come after an apology? I guess not. Once again, I ask Yahweh to help me do something I'm incapable of doing in my own strength. I've been doing that a lot lately. I ask Him to help me forgive when it's not deserved. Help me forgive when I'm sooo right to be unforgiving. Help me forget when it seems as though I'd be letting him "win" if I do. Help me Love. So of course what immediately comes to mind is Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. Deep breath. Ok.