Restoration has begun

Last night after the commotion had died down and Pierre's parents went home, I was able to honestly forgive my husband. He went to get Thai food and some german chocolate cake and we enjoyed some time together before going to bed early because I was still very dizzy from the tete a tete.

Yet I woke up around 5:30am, crying, wishing I had left when I wanted to. I forgave my husband, but was still so hurt. All of a sudden a flood of forgiveness for my own mother washed over me. I can say it's the first time in my life that I have ever been able to really forgive my mom for walking out on me when I was younger than Joshua. My father was very abusive towards her, verbally and physically. I'm not saying walking out on your children is ok under any circumstance, but I can say I understand. The judgement I once held against her is gone. That in itself is a miracle.

With that in mind I began to examine my lineage and realized that Yahweh does indeed visit the iniquity of the fathers down to four generations. It's not because he is evil (far from it), it's because sowing and reaping is a law that works all by itself (like gravity). I can trace the attack on the fathers in my lineage as far back as my great grandfather who died when my grandfather was six years old, leaving him to be raised by an abusive uncle. My husband's own father abandoned him when he was a few months old and died when he was seven. The attack on fathers is severe.

Pierre and I ended up having a serious talk where we came to the true source of all this pain - a lack of real intimacy with Yahweh. It sounds religious, but it's so not. Reading books about Yahweh, singing songs to Him, going to church and even reading His word - although all very necessary - do not compare with an intimate one-on-one relationship where you talk to Him and He talks to you directly. Nothing can quite go deep enough to heal those broken parts hidden in our souls like a conversation with Yahweh. Nothing. Until those hot spots are healed, unimaginable reactions can occur when they are touched. My husband and I know that well.

Pierre realized that he had gotten caught in religious zeal and lost true intimacy with his Father. He understood for the first time that his religion transferred to our marriage with a list of dos and don'ts instead of real relationship, and saw why I was always so reluctant to take direction from him. Without real relationship, dos and don'ts become a tyranny and dictatorship instead of loving give and take. He realized how he had shut God out of his heart, and consequently shut me out as well. Listening to him speak, I could hear the sincerity in his voice, the true repentance, and most importantly - the deep understanding that behaviors can never be modified from the outside in. Whew. It was one of those moments when a thousand tongues would not have been enough to express my gratitude to Yahweh.

Later in the morning Pastor Dan called and counseled Pierre man to man for about 20 minutes. He wants the four of us to get together soon and continue talking things through. Although agreeing to counseling is a positive step, nothing compares to the true change of heart I have already witnessed in my husband since this all occurred. Just the fact that everything is out in the open is a miracle in itself and shames the devil. Pierre and I have received several prophesies that our marriage is an example to others. Countless people have called us an inspiration, a praise to Yahweh, and a source of joy for them. All along those words have served as a reminder from Yahweh of what could be, of what should be.

I know that yesterday was a turning point in our lives. The iniquity of our fathers has visited our home, but to the glory of Yahweh true restoration will go deep and break that iniquity from going any further. Our marriage shall be an example indeed. Not of two "perfect" little Christians with big smiling faces as people perceive. No. Our marriage will be an example that Yah's restoration power bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...and heals all things. Love never fails. I praise Yah for my husband's willing and loving heart. All things are possible.